Random DE Meetings As Seen by Severus Snape
by dieter
Summary: Just as the title says: random DE meetings as seen through Sevvie's eyes. The Golden Trio plants a spy camera on their favourite Potions Master's robes and watches his every move at Voldie's hideout. Please RR! Thanks!


Disclaimer: Yeah, this is not ours. It all belongs to the wonderful J.K. Rowling. We know this, you know this. Is there a problem?  
  
A/N: Hey everybody! This is our first fic that we've ever posted. I write myself, but I'm too timid to post my own stuff. *blushes* Oh well, here it goes. My friend and I just got this idea yesterday and wrote it, so we'll see what you think! ON WITH THE FIC!  
  
Random Death Eater Meetings as Seen by Severus Snape  
  
Meeting #1  
  
Snape, dressed in his DE robes, Apparated to the forest clearing where the meeting was being held, sneering darkly. Voldie had yet to make an appearance and he was NOT in the mood to be here lying to the ungrateful bastard. He had pledged his service to the man once and now Dumbledore was making him do it again. Stupid ass. Dumbledore could go find himself another spy, for all he cared. He was through serving the Dark Lord and he knew it. The snake-faced bastard would have to be lacking in a certain number of brain cells to accept him back. Old Voldie appeared suddenly and sighing, Snape approached his 'Master' and knelt down in front of him as was expected.  
  
"Ssseverussss," his voice hissed from under a dark hood and Snape suppressed a shiver at the revulsion he felt in his gut. Knowing better than to speak, Snape kept his head down, not daring to look the man in his red, slit-like eyes. "Ssseverusss, why were you not pressent at my rebirth?" Oh boy, here came the lying to save his life.  
  
"My Lord, I apologize with the deepest of sincerity," Snape said, sugar- coating his words with a sickly sweet tone. "Had I been able to, I would have come to watch as you triumphed once again. However, I was too busy supplying the old fool, Dumbledore, with lies in order to hide your return from him. I was delayed further as he dragged me to save Potter from Crouch Jr.'s capable hands; I bring news of his death to you, My Lord. He was Kissed." Snape sure hoped Voldie bought his story, but he wasn't too optimistic. Snape was just thinking about which way he would be killed when the man chuckled ruefully, sending chills down his spine.  
  
"Sssseverussss, you disssappoint me with your absssence, but I shall forgive you thisss time." Snape was about to sigh in relief, but Voldie continued with, "However, I will need you to repledge yourself to me with the sacred oath that you took when you first joined my ranks."  
  
"Of course, My Lord," Snape agreed immediately, wondering just what this sacred oath was. He did not remember taking one when he had first joined the DE's, but maybe he was wrong. "My Lord...what is the sacred oath?" Snape questioned against his own better judgement.  
  
"CRUCIO!" The Dark Lord screamed, and the spell hit him full on, making him crumble to the floor in a heap, trying to contain his screams. Just as he was thinking of screaming, the pain stopped abruptly, but he did not rise from his prone position.  
  
"His agony was gorgeous, My Lord," Lucius Malfoy murmured, the other DE's agreeing with nods of their heads. (A/N: Kudos to anyone that knows where this is from!) Snape looked up just in time to see the Dark Lord's face twist in evil amusement briefly.  
  
"Yes. Yes, it was," he answered with a twisted smirk. He suddenly shook his head as though clearing fog from it and continued with, "I need to be slapped." Malfoy approached to do just that, but dear old Voldie pointed his wand at Malfoy and promptly told him to back off. "I didn't mean it literally, you FOOL!"  
  
"My apologies, my Lord," Malfoy simpered, bowing and going back to his place within the circle.  
  
"Malfoy, pleasse tell Ssseverusss of the sacred oath, as he has ssso obvioussly forgotten it," Voldie spat, glaring at Snape as he rose from the ground shakily.  
  
"The oath, my Lord, is 'You are beautiful and angular, and if you were a gas, you would be inert'(A/N: Again, kudos to whoever can figure out where that's from!)," Malfoy stated with obvious glee. Snape hid his confusion at the oath and nodded to Malfoy.  
  
Meanwhile, back at Hogwarts...  
  
"Harry, are you sure we should be doing this?" Hermione asked tentatively. She wasn't so sure about spying on DE meetings suddenly.  
  
"Yes, Hermione, it's the only way we can get information. You know the adults won't tell me anything. Besides, Snape doesn't know we're doing this," Harry answered in an exasperated tone, while Ron set up the 'SNAPECAM'. (A/N: Please ignore the fact that cameras would not work in Hogwarts because of the abundance of magic in the air. We're just writing this because it's funny to think of.)  
  
"OOH! OOH! I got it working, Harry! Hey, pass the popcorn!" Ron squealed excitedly.  
  
"RON!" Hermione exclaimed indignantly, thwacking him over the head with the popcorn bag as she chewed thoughtfully on the kernels. "This is no time to be eating, this is serious!" She popped a couple of kernels into her mouth and then promptly blushed when she realized she was contradicting herself. "Oh, alright, have some, then. But be quiet, I want to hear what Snape is saying to them."  
  
They saw Snape under the Cruciatus Curse and winced, then stared at the screen, horrified, when Malfoy's dad said , "His agony was gorgeous, my Lord." Voldie's response scared them even more.  
  
"Man, I knew he was screwed in the head, I just didn't know how severely," Harry gulped, face pale.  
  
"Wow, Harry, how the hell'd you survive that?" Ron asked in awe. "He's mental, that one."  
  
Meanwhile, back at the meeting...  
  
"You are beautiful...and...um...and..." Snape had already forgotten the bloody stupid oath and could not remember it.  
  
"Angular!" Malfoy hissed at him.  
  
"RIGHT! You are beautiful and angular, and if you were a gas, you would be..." Snape trailed off, brow furrowed in thought. "INTENSE! Yes, that's it! No, wait, that's not it. Angular? No, no."  
  
"INERT, you fool! It'ssss not that hard to memorizze, iss it?"  
  
"No, of course not, my Lord, of course not!" Snape hurriedly assured the man, fearing for his life. "You are beautiful and angular and if you were a gas..." Snape was interrupted as he was near the finish.  
  
"Your sessstup hasss become tiressssome! Kisssss the ring!" Voldie ordered, holding out a golden band on a silver chain for Snape to kiss. Realizing his mistake quickly, Voldie tried to grasp the chain back, instead fumbling with it before giving it up and placing his hands behind his back. "Oopsss, wrong movie. Kisss the hem of my robesss, Ssseverusss! It'sss the ssame thing!"  
  
"Of course, my Lord," Snape rushed to agree with a pissed off Lord Voldemort. "Of course it is the same." Snape bent down and kissed the man's robes.  
  
"Now, I am as happy as a little girl." Snape stared hard at the Dark Lord before turning around and going back to his place in the circle. He had a confused expression on his face, but hid it well. (A/N: Not to mention he had a DE mask on. DUH!) "Very well, Ssseveruss, you may go. I will sssummon you when I sssee fit," Voldie hissed and Snape nodded, bowing before Disapparating.  
  
Merlin, the Dark Lord was even more stupid then he had first thought. Shaking his head, he headed up to the castle to make his report to Dumbledore.  
  
Again, back to Hogwarts...  
  
All three students were green in the face at Voldie's pronouncement that he "was as happy as a little girl." When Snape was dismissed, they disconnected the SNAPECAM and stared at the now blank screen fearfully.  
  
"That was...frightening," Hermione announced.  
  
"Bloody Hell, Harry! That quack is a psycho!" Ron exclaimed and Harry nodded sagely.  
  
A/N: So, how did everyone like the first chapter? It's kind of random, we know, but we just wanted to express our insanity to you all. Well, please feel free to review the story. We're open to any type of criticism, but please try to make it constructive. If there are some things that are needed to be improved, tell us and we'll try to improve as the fic develops. Thanks a bunch! 


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